


1 AM.

by athousandfireworks



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Idk how to tag this anymore, M/M, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Slice of Life, Tragedy, great for midnight read, im bad at tagging but i hope you still read it and enjoy it, seriously though you should read this at exactly 1AM for special effect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 13:06:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11760504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athousandfireworks/pseuds/athousandfireworks
Summary: Jongin finds himself always going back to the person who broke his heart (or does he?)





	1 AM.

**Author's Note:**

> this is originally posted on livejournal. but because i love ao3 so much, i decide to post this here too.
> 
> this story hasnt been through proofreading so im so sorry if there's any plot hole or wrong grammar. hope you enjoy this story x

 

            _If I caught your shadows_  
_On the way home_  
_If I caught your eyes_  
_On the way to rest my bones_  
_I’ll take you with me too._

Myths about broken heart are always around. How the phenomenon is tearing human’s body like the organs do not work the way they should be. How the pieces can cut your brain wires your sanity is questioned. How, a single event of being hurt can change the entire path of your life.  
            Sounds pretty huge, Jongin thought. He did not believe in such thing. He believed in a forever. He kept his innocent self deep inside him, so the world could not find the fragile part of his soul. He was silently holding onto fairytales his mother used to tell him. About how peterpan had a forever and never grew up; about how happiness and love were meant to last for the longest time.   
            He did not think a broken heart would be so bad. He thought a broken heart could heal as fast as the wound he got when he accidentally slipped on the stairs; magically disappeared just as quick as when the red showed up on his skin. He did not think of it as something that could change a human into a worse person. Instead, he thought a broken heart would build someone. A broken heart would make people stronger than they have ever been.  
            That’s what he thought.  
            Until he found himself, spending days like a zombie losing purpose.  
            Until he realized his apartment floor was so dirty he could smell the bad air evaporating from it when he slept on the floor. Well, he didn’t mind the cold, nor did he mind the smell.   
            Because his bed is worse.  
            His bed is clean. Too clean to be called a bed of someone whose heart just got broken. His pillows are neatly put, his blanket sits on the right spot.  
            The one thing that is wrong, is the scent.  
            Even after days,  
            The scent of rain mixed with brewed coffee lingers like a pathetic virus grasping on its host. Jongin isn’t brave enough to get near it. He’s scared he will cry again and he thinks his tears are dried now so if he does just that, the only thing that’s left is numbness behind his eyelids.  
            Jongin has stopped going to his dance studio. He didn’t know how long it’s been, but I guess it’s been a pretty long time because he received tons of messages and calls from his dance mates, Sehun. He ignored them all like somekind of a plague. He only goes out to buy instant noodles to fuel his stomach and to bars to fuel his empty heart with alcohol. He never does a one night stand though. Can’t go near empty souls who eyed him with nothing but lust.   
            He does not need another empty soul in his room. He himself is enough.  
He goes home every 1 AM, not sooner, nor later. He always goes back when the minute hand touches exactly the twelve. His apartment is only meant for watching midnight shows and his favourite activity;staring at the walls until he is sober enough to walk to the floor near his bed.   
Actually, the reason behind his 1 AM habit is at this exact time, he can hear his favourite tone.  
He has just got back from the bar near the intersection, the one he comes to when he’s run out of money because the drinks there are cheap. He smells like cheap alcohol and he doesn’t even care. No one cares enough how he smells like, not when the only person who once told him how much he _cared_ about him, has gone out of the door.  
He looked at his phone.  
12:59.  
He’s counting the seconds in his mind.  
30…29…  
6…5…  
3…2…  
Then he turns the doorknob.  
He takes off his jacket that’s been bugging him with all the unnecessary warmth. Then he goes to sit on his sofa. His right hand is trying to get a grip on his phone. The brightness of the screen makes his eyes hurt. But Jongin is used to pain now.  
He presses the number he remembers so well. The numbers that are planted in his mind that they can be the last thing he remembers when he dies.  
The ringing starts.  
That,  
That is his favourite tone.  
The tone that shows he can still have some sort of a connection with the person on the other side of the phone line.  
The tone that shows he’s not alone, because at least his ears are not ringing with silence anymore.  
Then, there it is. The silence.  
The sound of low air, a sign somebody picks the call up.  
“Hello, Kyungsoo.”  
He doesn’t hear a reply.  
Well in fact, he never receives any word. Kyungsoo never says anything.  
Jongin does not mind though, he knows how much Kyungsoo loves to listen.  
He’s always been a good listener. _One more thing to be added to a list of reasons why Jongin loves Kyungsoo._  
“I’m surprised you’re still picking up the phone. It’s been what? My hundredth call? I don’t know I lost count to be honest. You know how bad I am with remembering such thing.” He chuckled lowly.  
“You know, today’s weather reminds me of your skin. It’s pale and white out there. Snows are everywhere! Have you gone out? Have you made a snowman? I know how much you love making it even though I mock you everytime you do so. It’s always amusing to see your cheeks getting redder than tomatoes. I wonder if you still blush the same way.”  
He stops to take a breath, admiring the empty walls and the cold air surrounding him, “I don’t even mind the fact that you may think I’m pathetic. Yes, I am. I am a loser. I am defeated by the time you left me that day. Whoa, how could you even do that? Pack your things all of a sudden, saying you’re going somewhere far and something I didn’t catch. How could you, Kyungsoo? I’m still wondering even until this day. I wonder how you could leave me when all I have is you. ALL I FUCKING HAVE IS YOU! A pair of round eyes and a heart-shaped lips. I only have those things, Kyungsoo. I only need those things to keep me sane. How dare you left without giving me a proper goodbye! What the fuck did I do wrong, Kyungsoo? Tell me. TELL ME NOW BECAUSE I’M DESPERATE TO FIX THINGS. I’m desperate for you.”  
He thought his tears are dried but now he can feel his cheeks getting wetter.  
“Once upon a time, this man, who calls you every night, he used to believe there’s a happy ending for him. He used to believe he would wake up everyday to the sound of warm voice and the smell of kimchi jiggae that his favourite person made. He used to believe he would come home to meet a pair of round eyes, lazily lying on the sofa, waiting for him to come home after dance practices. He used to believe he would spend every night watching the same boring show with his most precious person in the world. He believed hard times could come, but he also believed that he could conquer every fucking thing, just if, if he had that one person.”  
He wipes his cheeks with his hand that still smells like liquor, “Unfortunately, that one person didn’t think the same, did he? He didn’t believe in me. He left. You, left.”  
“Kyungsoo,” He paused, “You told me you loved me. But was it all just a lie you throw to someone like me? Did you have a mission to break everyone’s heart whose believe in the fairytale shit? Are you always the bad guy?”  
“W-why, why can’t I just hate you? Why am I still calling you?”  
He sobs harder, his chest gets heavier.  
“Why am I still so much in love with you?”  
Then the line is broken.

He hears the deafening sound of continuous tone and his heart breaks all over again on his floor. 

__  
I’ll pile the lies  
  
 __  
On the top of your shelf  
  
 __  
Right above your head  
  
 __  
Right through your chest  


                              
He pressed the red button.  
He ends the line.  
He cannot stand another second, listening to his best friend whining about someone who’s already dead for 2 years.  
He cannot be in this mess any longer.  
“Sehun, we really should take him to a professional.”  
He feels a hand grips his shoulder, that hand tries to take him back to reality, tries to remind him that he’s not anywhere near danger and broken heart.  
“H-how, Baekhyun? How? I cannot-”  
“For fuck sake, Sehun, it’s been 2 years! 2 years, and you should be awaken by his call every fucking night. Not for asking how you are or something like that shit, he fucking thought you’re his dead boyfriend!”  
Sehun suddenly finds it hard to breathe.  
“It’s the best thing for him. He will get worse soon, Sehun. I cannot just stand in silent like this, watching him losing every piece of him everyday. He should face the truth, he should face the fact that Kyungsoo died. He should face the fact that Kyungsoo isn’t here anymore. Just like the rest of us, he should mourn with us. Together, not on his own. Not in his own world, Sehun.”  
Sehun cannot stand the atmosphere anymore. So he cries. He cries on his roommate’s shoulder. He sobs until Baekhyun’s happy facade is no longer in sight. The downward curve is carved on his lips.   
“We shouldn’t have taken Kyungsoo’s phone, should we?” He whispered to Sehun.  
The younger weakly shakes his head while his tears are still marking Baekhyun’s shirt.  
“It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay. Jongin will be okay,” Baekhyun said as his hand is patting Sehun’s back.  
He silently cursed.  
He silently let a tear or two flowed.  
He just silently wished Kyungsoo didn’t die.

He wished everything was simple.

_ The red light is catching up _  
_ Hold on, let me hang on your favourite song _  
_ The radio is on, the windows are opened _  
_ The night wraps my skin like a second coat _  
_ The lump in my throat does not fade _  
_ The crashing waves do not go away _  
_ There’s a gift for you at the tip of my tongue _  
_ I’m sorry I cannot give you back _  
_ What you desperately want _

             
            Kyungsoo closed his door and turned the engine on. He fixed the rearview mirror and his seat. Then he was ready to go home.  
            To a home where his favourite person was waiting for him.  
            Kyungsoo turned on the radio and thank God he could enjoy the song that’s playing at this late.   
            If it’s not because of the party for his promotion to become the new director, he would be home by now. He would be home, sleeping in his room with Jongin snoring beside him. But well, he could not deny Chanyeol, Junmyeon, and Jongdae’s whiny asses when they asked for a treat to the restaurant near the office.  
            So he said yes.  
            But well, he’s still so awake.  
            Maybe it’s the thought of Jongin greeting him with a sleepy smile.  
            Or maybe, it’s the heat that the box in his pocket radiated.  
            He didn’t mean to be so quick in falling in love. But this was Jongin he’s talking about. Jongin was like a sudden hurricane that messed the room he was so wholeheartedly tidying up.   
Kyungsoo met him when he went to Chanyeol’s birthday party. He went there for the food but instead, he was introduced to Chanyeol’s high school friend, Sehun (who, _fortunately_ , always brings along a tan-skinned man named Kim Jongin). They hit it off real quick. Too quick, even.  
But even when Jongin puked on his shoes, Kyungsoo knew his ugly ass (well, his _precious_ ass) was meant for him.  
So he didn’t realize the time went by quickly. He didn’t realize it until he found Jongin’s toothbrush beside his. He didn’t realize it until he found Jongin’s clothes getting mixed with his own. He didn’t realize Jongin was all over him, until this afternoon, when he was supposed to have lunch, yet he found his legs walking towards a jewelry shop.

He fucking bought a ring.  
Oh shit.  
Kyungsoo didn’t realize it was a huge thing until he’s fidgeting on his driver seat right then.  
He hadn’t prepared a long ass paragraph for proposal.  
            He’s in trouble, wasn’t he?  
            Then his phone rang just in time for him to arrange his thoughts. He tried to touch the screen but he could not press the answer button. So he cursed and he took his phone from his pocket.  
            “Hello?”  
            “Where the fuck are you, old man?” Kyungsoo chuckled because he knew Jongin was pouting.  
            “I’m on my way home, love. Those whiny asses that belong to Chanyeol, Junmyeon, and Jongdae asked for a treat. Why haven’t you gone to sleep?”  
            “How the fuck could I sleep when you’re still wandering around town like somekind of a homeless man? You have a home, dickhead. I miss you.”  
            “Ugh, you know I hate saying it on the phone.” He was trying to turn the steering wheel to right so he put his phone between his shoulder and ear.  
            “You just called me love yet you didn’t want to say I miss you back? Weird one you are.”  
            “You love this weird man though.” Kyungsoo smiled.  
            Jongin was blushing on the other end, he knew it by heart.  
            “Yes I love you, now come home quickly!”  
            “Right. I’ll arrive probably at,” He took a quick glance at his watch, “1 AM. Okay?”  
            “Okay. I love you. Be careful, okay? I heard drunk driving was causing troubles lately.”  
            “Yeah, sure. You sleep first, okay? I lo-” his phone slipped past his shoulder and fell near his feet, “Oh shit.”  
            He looked at it then tried to pick it up while not taking his eyes away from the front view. The green is light so he’s hitting the gas pedal just at the right pressure while his hand is still wandering around.  
            What he didn’t know was, a drunk man was driving uncontrollably on his right.  
            What he didn’t know was, the time was not on his side.  
            What he didn’t know was, in the next few seconds, his car was moving around due to a sudden crash with a black jeep.   
            What he didn’t know was, the radio would play Jongin’s favourite song while his window glasses broke.  
            What he didn’t know was tonight, home would be too far from his reach.  
            What he didn’t know was, the box with a ring inside it would forever be in his pocket.  
            What he didn’t know was, he wasn’t going to prepare a paragraph for his proposal.

 

Because Kyungsoo didn’t know,  
That he couldn’t even give Jongin his last I love you back.

       
_I’m sorry I could not come home to your arms_  
_Did not give you your longest happy time_  
_I’ll meet you later when the world was at its prime time_  
_And don’t you worry darling,_  
_At that time, I would still love you just fine._

__  
I waited for your footsteps  
  
 __  
But I received a phonecall instead  


_             Didn’t you say you would come back? _

 

_             Wait, I’ll call you again at 1 AM. _

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry i didn't give you any warning. because if i gave you one, there'd be no surprise center in this bitter candy.
> 
>  
> 
> and well,  
> thank you sooo much for reading this:) please leave a comment because i'm so thrilled to know what you think of this x


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